he is in the perish jail. Obviously the law most likely is right, but not always and it is a terrible thing to be wrongly convicted for, you are then looked through a prism, every act you do is in probation minds a precursor to offending. Another problem is we have found only one professional in our area that deals with this type of problem specifically and charges 150 a session. I divorced him while he was in prison because I knew if I tried when he was out, I would be dead before he would allow that to happen. U do have a choice. Like they picked HIM over me! Sadly, due to the deception involved in committing these crimes and lack of remorse, I do not believe child molesters can ever be rehabilitated. He wrote: “Dr. I blame no one else for my act. I don’t know what to do. In that cycle I mentioned and ashamed to speak out. What is the truth? In other words, there’s no supporting data demonstrating that it can accurately classify someone who is a pedophile. A bad husband!! See I have had this type of abuse in my childhood aswell. My husband blamed me and his children, dehumanized them and taunted them by referring to them as “vic’ or “victims” instead of by their names, and acted as if he never had a family, rather than tell the truth about what he did. We may someday find out that it is the latter, maybe even that it can be cured. Let’s just say that the potential is there for rehabilitation, then what? I really believe most who have maybe committed certain acts do feel bad for what they have done. God is the only one that can really see how his heart is. Other individuals may molest children for the above reasons, out of sexual frustration, or in order to maintain power or exert control. Trust me on this one. Yourself! Indeed you can't cure the sexual orientation of pedophiles. When researchers Reuben Lang and Roy Frenzel interviewed 52 incest and 50 pedophilic offenders, they found that the average age of child molesters is thirty-four. I personally know someone who had been a child molester for 10 years. He was abused when he was a child. He was a good person who made a horrible mistake and tried so hard to live a halfway normal life but society wouldn’t let him. I have been trying to get further help since than its absolutely not there and that is why we cant be rehabilitated because its not offered I see a counselor every two weeks before every month. I finally filed the report that my boyfriend molested my daughter. I’m sorry it took so long for me to get back to you. Our Judicial system is a terrifying unfunny joke! still is but getting better. It's quick and simple: put a bullet in their head. DO NOT let ur self give in. I can solidly say that my father never ever abused me physically or sexually. Some couselors say if he really wants to change He will find a way. Justin Lehmiller, PhD is a Research Fellow at The Kinsey Institute and author of the blog Sex and Psychology. I am not sure how I feel about whether or not they can get treatment and benefit from that, in that they will never harm a child again. So our children are safe. I’m getting some counseling at the time being and being able to open up is very important. Many have been molested when they were children once that damage has been done it's worse then a drug addict they can't stop. I know this is an old post but….for ME I would not want my family to accept my father back when he gets out of prison. Even if he never abused me, he was still a bad father with a bad temper! No matter how horrible child molestation is, child molesters are still human. My ex molested my daughter who was 6then. Well, i can certainly understand your point of view, and we SHOULD constantly be on the lookout, i don’t think anyone want’s to leave your kids alone with someone you don’t know, and certainly not someone with those tendencies, however, our media and pornography, and disney, all kinds of stuff affects us in different ways, i’m not condoning what they did, but we as a society, a progressive thinking society, need serious rehabilitation programs to fix people the best we can while they are young, so they dont end up reoffending in the future as adults, i see many adults who were just ignored by us and the system, no help was given to them from society, so they end up screwing up being left unchecked, it makes me sad, especially the people murdering suspected people who may or may not have these tendancies, i’ve seen doctors at the hospital flat our murder people who are suspected of this, it’s inhuman, and inhumane, we need them to get rehab not be murdering them. He also did not want to end our marriage and if he opened his mouth he knew it would. Stop wasting time and money on jail sentencing!! My mother found out what happened in around 1991 or 1992. Can Child Molesters Ever Be Rehabilitated? There is just not enough of a guarantee that this wouldn’t happen for me to ever feel safe around them. And that is why more must be done to solve the problem rather than add to it. I use to feel that way too. No, rapists cannot change their “character” or whatever compels them to … You can’t clump all child molesters in one group. See its all a battle that everyone faces! Copyright © 2007 - 2021 GoodTherapy, LLC. I had moved to a new place after dislosure to rebuild my life, yet all the time police would visit, make insinuations and continuously talk about relationships and disclosure, I knew then that living in the UK was impossible and went into a shell of drug use and lonesomeness at which point I used pornography much more frequently. DO IT THEN . Here is some more information about crisis situations: I understand where you’re coming from. fins ur heart in it’s center. Something! He still sends us letters when we don’t reply. Studies have shown that non-pedophilic men can intentionally suppress erections when viewing erotic images simply by thinking about disgusting things, such as a filthy bathroom. Just think what that amount might be today . I suffer from ocd harm related thoughts and my chances of acting out the thought is very low but I do find it interesting talking to someone who is maybe on the other side of it so to say. From this list you can click to view our members’ full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more information. I don’t want look at child porn again . I know that I will never let that happen again, and that I will do whatever it takes to ensure that it never does. I was like you and used to think these people should be in jail for the rest of their lives but now I am not so sure. This is why I do not think pedophiles and child molesters can be reformed. Questions or concerns about the preceding article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment below. When I got 14 I reported the molestation to my counselor and they got help for me I was able to go to a group home. People who side with child molester are mol;esters themselves feeling any remorse or forgiveness for them make you one of them.Therpist are responsible for continued molestations and all molesters should be locked up in jail where they arre no harm to anyone. During all that time, he failed as a husband to take care of the family. I joined the military and he supported me every step of the way. Its like a wolf convincing a sheep it needs to be eaten. Dr. A. Nicholas Groth, one of the leading experts on sexual victimization of children, differentiates between nonviolent child molesters … Many also question the ethics of making such pornography, even when it does not involve actual children. Which is y it is so important that ur best side the good side keeps leading u. So the life of a registered sexoffender is no life. If anyone out there has a boyfriend or husband that has harmed your kids or you- my advice is to run and never look back. I visit him and write and talk often. Yes iam a mother with a son who is in jail right now on a child molestation charge but has not been indicted yet he also haves mental and psylochogal problems they just got my son sitting there he haves a public defender also no my son isn’t a child molester is just the way Georgia laws are if one is older then the other one I was reading this article and yes there are two diffreant kinds of people but my son doesn’t pray on younger people I just wish I knew what to do to help him out becz has a mother it would be diffreant if he like did something like most of these people have done to children but his story is complety diffreant then a lot of em he doesn’t even member doing anything I just wish people would tell me what is child molestion cmon now i just want my son to get help and not be locked away like no monkey or anything like that can someone help me please. The university people in charge of the of checking the ID’s let this teen in because she knew one of the security personnel. Can a person who’s been sexually abused as a baby. I thought of me and the boys as equals. You might consider submitting your question to our panel of therapist writers through this channel. child molester is one who exposes himself to or fondles children without engaging in vagi­ nal or anal intercourse. he was sentenced to 5yrs. Does anyone know or understand that there are all kinds of illness . (USA) There's NO rehabilitating a child molester: My father molested my sister and me for over ten years. The child understandably internalizes that it must be their fault or they would be loved and treasured. Long post…just stuff I had to take off my chest…. That’s the people that care about me. I was sexually assaulted when I was a kid by my own brother and he forced me to. Now he is back in my son life thank to my mother how gave my son number to him. Hi Lori, I am sorry that happened to you, no one deserves that to happen to them. He was born in 1937. James Cantor, a clinical psychologist at the University of Toronto who specializes in the treatment of pedophiles, has been a vocal critic. That is a PROVEN FACT! I am a female and I am only attracted to men. U see! DeVries, a child molester freed last August, lives in a trailer at Soledad State Prison. If I could ask you this question, Do you feel as if society has accepted you back so to say, sorry if I’m not making much sense there. Other members may, knowingly or unknowingly, support a high-risk offender’s further attempts at molestation. Called me often and sent me care packages. What horrified me was when i found out that this wasn’t the first time he’s done this.. I expressed concerns with the solicitor later but they kept fobbing me off saying that because the child had already wet the bed twice that night before the alleged incident I would have DNA on me due to that. Plus I did not want people to think I was gay because my grandmother looked inside my body everyday and told me to. It haunts me to the point of depression several times a week. I guess you feel guilty because you never thought you’d be in this position before. Still others believe the child molester is a nonviolent offender. I fell deeply in love. I used to wish he would be raped by the people in prison. Contributed by Zawn Villines, GoodTherapy.org Correspondent. I found out my husband after 10 years of marriage was involved in this very situation. But did you know that up to 80% of convicted child molesters is not a pedophile (does not have a exclusive sexual attraction towards children. It’s ok… that’s how I feel with my dad. Another objection stems from the fact that the person undergoing treatment must be relied on to take their medication regularly. Lately, the field has moved closer to the view that pedophilia is a type of sexual orientation—an innate characteristic that is highly resistant to change. We are facing the past so to say when we talk about it, sometimes that can be something that is very hard to talk about for the first time. He was convicted of molesting his own daughter, from ages of 9-13. I know it’s horrible to hurt a child…i have kids of my own. Subscribe me to the GoodTherapy.org public newsletter. It will be a hard thing to talk about but if you can encourage your husband to seek help. Sign Up and Get Listed. He was beat frequently by his mom 4 trying to talk about what was going on. Cantor is basically saying [to pedophiles] ‘your interests will never change so suck it up and learn to live without sex.’ [Our] approach is to say ‘there is hope that you can have non-harmful, sexual interests and a healthy, happy, lawful sex life.’”, He went on to ask, “which approach is more likely to succeed? I never would have imagined that he would ever molest or hurt our children, but that’s what he did. Get it? I cut hair. Granted, very sick people. Silence truly does empower abuse because it allows those ‘thinking errors’ space to grow. we r going to be in theropy 4 years to come. I think that any of us with half a brain think that you should just lock them up and throw away the key. Never fully talked about it with my family but everyone knew. A study conducted by psychologists at the American Federal Bureau of Prisons has concluded that "many Internet child pornography offenders may be undetected child molesters", finding a slightly higher percentage of molesters among child pornography offenders than the Mayo Clinic study, though they also "cautioned that offenders who volunteer for treatment may differ in their behavior from those who do … I want awareness. I actually will forgive him…so he can peacefully be able to change, if he means what he says… all I know it’s between him and God. Thanks for sharing. But I know the man who raised me was a good and hard working man. It is proven fact that child molesters and pedophiles can not be rehabilitated!!! This has given me hope. I hope this new one works out. He molested my cousin from the ages of 10 into her teens. If child molesters were to be tortured to death, it is almost certain that innocent people would be too. Based on information provided, the intake specialist/social worker will determine whether or not a case will be opened. Who know what they did was evil and wrong and yet have to go on living even though they wanted to kill themself (yes my father thought of killing himself more than once). I will check those links that you sent, thank you. You can replace fear with confidence. "It’s a ticking time bomb.". Aren’t both crimes? It’s like… don’t I matter? Interviewing child molesters is a skill that can be developed and greatly enhanced through study, training, and experience. You do the crime, you do the time, and that needs to be times 100 for anyone who thinks its ok to hurt a child. I think that as a Christian I want to say that I don’t judge and it is not up to me to condemn, but it so hard when it comes to situations like this. My son will need all the help he can get. He got himself help. But statistics say that 96 % of molesters who are in the system are NOT repeat offenders. Always listen to your guts as well. It was a one time thing with his daughter and it’s horrible but he never got the chance to make it better. A personality. The important thing how to act on it… Remember it’s a choice! I fully expected to grow old with him, but when he told me he loved me and our children, it was all a lie, because he was molesting our kids and telling them not to tell me! He couldn’t handle that and took his life. Previously he had been arrested, convicted and placed on probation numerous times for physically abusing me. Plus, many pedophiles never commit sex offenses. Canadian psychologist Michael Seto echoed these thoughts in a recent paper, in which he summed up the existing evidence by saying that the "expert consensus" in the field is that pedophilia and other unusual age-related attractions are "stable over time," which means that the focus of interventions should be on "management rather than 'cure. It’s about your victim and their family and the lives you ruined. YES, 16 BILLION dollars, That was almost 20 years ago. Sorry me again I just wanted to add that he did his time in prison and everything else he was suppose to do. I got diagnosed with ocd but at times I feel as it might not be ocd and I will act on them which scares me a lot. Thank you for your comment! It’s just hard. I told him especially then he should know better. 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